Take An Inventory of Your Relationship

by Brenda Kofford

Read each of the statements below carefully and circle the number (never true = 1, sometimes true = 2, always true = 3) that best describes your current relationship. There are no right or wrong answers to this inventory.

 

 

 

Never True

 

 

Sometimes True

 

 

Always True

1.             The relationship I am now in is not threatened by the need to have space and time to pursue our individual interests.

1

2

3

2.             I believe there are feelings of trust, faith, and hope in my current relationship.

1

2

3

3.             More times than not, each of us validate the good within the other.

1

2

3

4.             When expressing my concerns, I strive to speak from an "I" place as well as listen to and respect the "I" position of my partner.

1

2

3

5.             Responsibility for household tasks is shared and each is able to share his/her unique expertise in a manner that supports the relationship.

1

2

3

6.             We spend time alone as a couple, sharing our individual thoughts and feelings and not talking about money, sex, work, family, or friends.

1

2

3

7.             There is a joint initiative to share our feelings when the time is right for both of us.

1

2

3

8.             I strive to objectively observe and question the "who, what, when, where, and how" of my part in this relationship.

1

2

3

9.             There is a commitment on my part to walk my talk and to not hide my feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, and anxiety behind a smiling mask.

1

2

3

10.         I find humor in the ups and downs of life and in the absurdity of daily happenings.

1

2

3

11.         I am willing to experiment with change and question my beliefs, values, and principles.

1

2

3

12.         I generally speak about my concerns and don't often make guarded assumptions or draw silent conclusions.

1

2

3

13.         This relationship gives me positive memories and warm experiences to deposit in my memory bank.

1

2

3

14.         I strive to be more true and honest about myself than critical and judgmental about this relationship.

1

2

3

 

Scoring:

Subtotal – Add the numbers within each column that you circled.

Total Score – Add the three subtotal scores.

If your total score was between 38 and 42, it suggests that you each strive for an ideal relationship. It may be important to remember that the gifts of life are found in the journey, not the destination.  

If your total score was between 21 and 37, you may have a relationship that is flexible enough to adapt to the growth and development of each partner. Growth comes from personal endeavors to strengthen the positive aspects of your self and the relationship.

If your total score was 20 or below, there may need to be an exploration of how to invite flexibility into your relationship. Review the self-test and find the questions that you rated with either "sometimes true" or "always true." Explore ways you could strengthen the positive aspects of your self or your relationship in each of these areas.

Date published: 3/16/01
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Oct 2013
    Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.

 

 

Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.
-- Thomas Szasz